David Collins (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hostileterritory) wrote2024-07-16 10:11 pm
hostileterritory) wrote2024-07-16 10:11 pm
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"This is David. Leave a message."
voice || text || video || spam || etc
"This is David. Leave a message."
voice || text || video || spam || etc
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That's... absolutely going to be a concern. And he has a feeling that once he lets Charlie know about that, Charlie might have a little more empathy for David than previously.
"Why would someone who looks similar to you be something you were conditioned to attack? Was it some sort of... cloning thing?"
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"Uh, it was to make better soldiers. Tougher, faster, more endurance, no fear, that sort of thing."
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...not the information, the smile. He wants to hug him.
"'No fear'. Is that what the... conditioning is about?"
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He doesn't have all the social pieces to what this kind of thing would be or why it would exist, but he's pretty pleased he's getting answers.
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John's understanding of the military is non existent.
He shakes that off.
"Do you want this conditioning in your head?"
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He gestures at his own chest. "I think it's maybe from the medals and all."
He has no real idea, but it's not that important.
That next question feels like a slap, in an odd way he can't quantify. Not an intentionally harmful one--the kind of thing that wakes a dazed person up properly.
"Of course not." There's no anger in it, no resentment, nothing but simple surprise.
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"I didn't think so. But it seemed wrong not to ask you while you can answer honestly."
He rubs at his chin for a moment before looking back at David.
"Okay. There's people in charge, the brass. I-it was a thing done by many people. Known about by people. There has to be some way for us to turn off the... murder-people-who-talk-about-it thing. I-is there some sort of code word? O-or a name we need to use?"
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"If they figured that out I probably wouldn't have been able to kill them. See, protecting myself is technically part of protecting the project. So them deciding to terminate things made the killing a lot easier."
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So not just shitty people but stupid shitty people who didn't even make themselves a way of getting out of this. Jesus fucking Christ-
"For the record: fuck them. I'm not going to give you shit about that, here or out of the dream. And fuck them for doing this to you."
He looks David in the eyes.
"I'm going to help you. I'm going to get this out of your head so you can be free. I promise." A sigh. "...I'm just... not used to working in this direction before. Fuck."
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"Would it all have to come out, do you suppose?"
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"It depends on if it was all done separately or all part of the same damage: little wounds or one big wound. You can't really heal 'half' of a wound."
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"Don't know how much of it's conditioning and how much is the other stuff but I don't have to feel anything..." A vague gesture. "Bad, any more. Switched it off. They were aiming for fear but it works with pretty much everything."
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Ohhhhh no.
"...David, that's... that's not good. Feeling is a part of being a person."
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He shrugs. "Don't have to worry about the worst parts."
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"David..." He considers if this is where and how he wants to point this out. He's not Charlie. He doesn't know how to do this slick. Or Arthur who can dive right into the heart of it.
He breathes out in the dream and lets his eyes close. Then he shakes his head again.
"The bad parts are what make sure you don't destroy the good parts. Because if you aren't worried about feeling bad, you can do anything. And that includes hurting people you care about. And they're the best part of everything."
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"That's likely part of the problem I ran into with Caleb's family. That and protecting the program itself, once folks showed up looking for me."
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Yeah, he can relate to that, more than a little. Especially the part where they came looking for him, possibly to reclaim him.
"Probably," he agrees without much drama. He feels sad for David, sure that once this blockage is through, he's going to feel a lot more than he does right now about what happened to Caleb's family.
"Thankfully, those people can't get you here. So they won't fuck with you while we're helping you." Huff. "I doubt the Admiral will give me information on this shit. We might have to wait until you have a proper warden. Unless-"
Hmm.
"Does the project have a name? Maybe I can ask about that. I-if that would be okay."
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He has some concerns, John.
"There's the issue of more people knowing. Don't think every conversation can happen like this."
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"I figured that. I'm pretty sure you're going to stab me at some point, but I'm okay with that. I won't hold it against you."
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"You seem like a bit of a masochist, if you'll forgive my saying so."
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"Not at all. I hate pain." He looks to David.
"But the damage won't slow me down. And I'd rather get hurt and help you than not get hurt and see you hurt more people. It gets harder to get better the more people you hurt because you don't want to come back and face it."
Beat.
"Also I won't stab you back and I don't want to see you die a lot."
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"So... What now? Did you have more questions?"
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"...is there anything else you just want to... say while you can?" Oh! That's another one! "Do you want me to come back? Is it... nice to be with someone when you can talk? I can just listen for a while, if you want."
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