hostileterritory | TLV Inbox

"Fuck."

So not just shitty people but stupid shitty people who didn't even make themselves a way of getting out of this. Jesus fucking Christ-

"For the record: fuck them. I'm not going to give you shit about that, here or out of the dream. And fuck them for doing this to you."

He looks David in the eyes.

"I'm going to help you. I'm going to get this out of your head so you can be free. I promise." A sigh. "...I'm just... not used to working in this direction before. Fuck."

There's a long breath of silence as David considers a new question, a new potential danger this introduces.

"Would it all have to come out, do you suppose?"

"Depends," he admits. He's not trying to be difficult. But he knows that minds are complicated.

"It depends on if it was all done separately or all part of the same damage: little wounds or one big wound. You can't really heal 'half' of a wound."

Edited 2024-07-17 19:11 (UTC)

He makes a contemplative little noise.

"Don't know how much of it's conditioning and how much is the other stuff but I don't have to feel anything..." A vague gesture. "Bad, any more. Switched it off. They were aiming for fear but it works with pretty much everything."

Oh.

Ohhhhh no.

"...David, that's... that's not good. Feeling is a part of being a person."

"Oh, I do." That mild surprise again. "Just."

He shrugs. "Don't have to worry about the worst parts."

He nods. Slowly. And then shakes his head.

"David..." He considers if this is where and how he wants to point this out. He's not Charlie. He doesn't know how to do this slick. Or Arthur who can dive right into the heart of it.

He breathes out in the dream and lets his eyes close. Then he shakes his head again.

"The bad parts are what make sure you don't destroy the good parts. Because if you aren't worried about feeling bad, you can do anything. And that includes hurting people you care about. And they're the best part of everything."

Melancholy does not count as 'bad' enough to get muted, so he's certainly got a bit of that.

"That's likely part of the problem I ran into with Caleb's family. That and protecting the program itself, once folks showed up looking for me."

John doesn't have the context of 'government' let alone government programs, but the idea of people from a group coming after you-

Yeah, he can relate to that, more than a little. Especially the part where they came looking for him, possibly to reclaim him.

"Probably," he agrees without much drama. He feels sad for David, sure that once this blockage is through, he's going to feel a lot more than he does right now about what happened to Caleb's family.

"Thankfully, those people can't get you here. So they won't fuck with you while we're helping you." Huff. "I doubt the Admiral will give me information on this shit. We might have to wait until you have a proper warden. Unless-"

Hmm.

"Does the project have a name? Maybe I can ask about that. I-if that would be okay."

A surprised blink. "Uh, Project Aegolius. But..."

He has some concerns, John.

"There's the issue of more people knowing. Don't think every conversation can happen like this."

Yeah, no-

"I figured that. I'm pretty sure you're going to stab me at some point, but I'm okay with that. I won't hold it against you."

A contemplative pause.

"You seem like a bit of a masochist, if you'll forgive my saying so."

He shakes his head.

"Not at all. I hate pain." He looks to David.

"But the damage won't slow me down. And I'd rather get hurt and help you than not get hurt and see you hurt more people. It gets harder to get better the more people you hurt because you don't want to come back and face it."

Beat.

"Also I won't stab you back and I don't want to see you die a lot."

If you say so, John!!

"So... What now? Did you have more questions?"

A pause.

"...is there anything else you just want to... say while you can?" Oh! That's another one! "Do you want me to come back? Is it... nice to be with someone when you can talk? I can just listen for a while, if you want."

"You can tell Arthur he's a tough son of a bitch." Now, outside of the annoyance of trying and failing to kill the guy, David can properly appreciate it.

A pause. "I suppose it is nice, yes. Sometimes when I talk to people in the ordinary way it's a bit like..."

A soft chuckle as the image comes to him. "Like a mirror maze, or more like a mirror made of clear glass. Think I'm going one way and then there's a wall."

"He is," John says with some pride. Arthur is not someone to fuck with. He loves him so much he can feel it in his chest multiple times a day.

But he smiles a little as David answers.

"I can come back. Not all the time, I don't- but I'll check in."

A pause.

"Do you want- that is, is it hard to-" he considers how to put this and then decides 'fuck it' and goes for it "...would you like a hug?"

"A...?" That is not a question he has even thought about being asked in at least a decade. Hanna and John were tied for 'most baffling and worryingly sweet' but John has inched out ahead.

"...Sure?"

Edited 2024-07-17 21:41 (UTC)

"I just feel like you got a shit deal," he says honestly. And he'll stand up and walk over and just... gently put his arms around his shoulders.

A little quieter-

"...it's just, I've grabbed you a bunch and I'd just like to do it in a way that's for you."

"Well. I sort of walked myself into it." It's said more to comfort John than excuse his commanding officers.

He is unpracticed at this anymore, and my god does it show in the awkwardness of the returned embrace, the way David's not entirely sure where his hands should be or if he should be standing up or doing something else entirely.

"You know, I think the last person to hug me was Caleb, though I don't remember when. Just seems like something he would do."

But hey, that's funny, he's kind of returning the hug with more energy than he meant to now.

John's going to keep hugging him, through the journey of being awkward and right into thinking about Caleb and then to being hugged back. He'll give him one last squeeze when he feels David being done before he'll draw back.

"If you ever want to talk, like this... let me know, okay?" Beat. "Are you allowed to do that normally?"

He lets go slowly, settles back on the couch, feeling...

Not going to think about what he's feeling. David frowns.

"I don't actually know. It's never been a question before."

"We'll have to see."

That's all there is to it, really. It's not like they can test it before then.

but he's watching David, the frown on his face, how unsure he looks.

"I should let you rest."

He sighs.

"I suppose. Don't need to do it much, but I do need to do it."

David stands, looking awkward again.

"Do I have to-- leave, or, how does ending this work exactly? Am I going to remember it like a dream?"

Edited 2024-07-18 02:30 (UTC)

He shakes his head.

"No, nothing like that. You'll just go back to your normal dreams."

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